Fears

Recently, I thought about how I mostly write in this blog to keep my audience up to date on my current projects. My original intent for creating a blog was not to brag about my success or how I think my life is awesome, but to give an inside glimpse into what life is really like when everything revolves around your art. I'm going to do my best to go back to that thought, at least for today's entry.

I've been inundated with fear lately: fear of the unknowns in my life.

For the last year, I have worked seven days a week a one job or another or both (or three), rehearsed five or six days a week, and had some sort of performance every three weeks or so. I'm beginning to realize that this extreme lifestyle is not sustainable.

When I decided to give up my 9-5 job to pursue my art and teaching careers, I fully believed that I would spend my first year sorting everything out. How would I make ends meet while the studio is still in it's infancy? How can I allow myself to sacrifice a lot of money for art? How can I remain unselfish and understand when my husband needs to take time out of his 9-5 job to pursue his acting career? I'm still sorting things out, and I'm starting to become concerned.

I don't want to work part-time at Starbucks indefinitely. I don't know when my performing/choreographing/directing career will be winding down, when I will have enough time to pursue a "real job" (aka a paying job). Believe it or not, but I do want to have a family. Depending on which way I decide to take my life, I'm afraid that I'll either kill my dance career or ruin my chances at ever earning enough money to live in a nice apartment.

I'm sure these are fears that everyone has, and they are fears to have been floating around in my brain for a few years now. I think all of this has bubbled to the surface lately because I am starting to make long-term, life-altering decisions. I'm scared and excited alternately every day. I am thankful for my opportunities and overwhelmed by them all the time.

I know that I should just relax and let my life happen, not try to plan things too much, because that's when the greatest things have happened for me (meeting my husband, crashing on a friend's couch for two months in NYC, auditioning for IDC). It's just so hard to not know what is going to happen in the next six months.

Once I finally get a day off, I'll have time to put things into perspective a little bit better.

Up and up

It's been a while and many things have happened in my personal dance life.

For example, I will be attending the Dance/USA conference tomorrow! Dance/USA is a national organization that provides support for dance companies. Check it out: www.danceusa.org
I have much still to learn, being that I've only been in my director position for 9 months, and am excited to be a sponge and soak up some new information tomorrow.

As the Touring and Outreach Director of Innervation Dance Cooperative, I feel that my work is never done. So many schools to contact! So many festivals to research! Somehow, IDC has had more touring opportunities lately than possibly ever.

On Monday, we performed at the House of Blues! Spur-of-the-moment, completely random...we were asked to be a part of the "Service Industry Talent Night." Since many of our dancers are servers, bartenders, and (ahem) baristas, we were able to participate. The show ended up consisting of 5 bands and IDC, so the modern ballet dancers definitely stood out.

We had a blast, rehearsing up until the last minute in our fabulously outfitted dressing room. On stage, we tip-toed around instruments and sound equipment. In the crossover space, a drummer practiced on a desk chair seat.

What a fun way to get our name out into a completely different world -- I'd say that there were at least a hundred people there.

Up next for me: Performing with GI Alliance at Edgewater Arts Festival and Celebrate Clark Street, Dance Camp at NorthSide Dance Theater, IDC tour of "Gods, Monsters, and Heroes" to Ravenswood School, organizing dance parties with IDC at the Morton School back to school fair...and that's just July.

Until next time.