Today

Today, IDC performed excerpts of "Gods, Monsters and Heroes" for our dance club and other students at Thurgood Marshall Middle School. I'm hoping that this school performance will help launch more tour dates for the show (which is what I'm working on in my "spare time"). The kids love this show, so I can't wait to share it with more middle and high school students.

I think it's pretty obvious to the few people that read this how busy I am, but I can't help advertising all of the exciting things that I am working on. Mostly on my mind lately are the four world premiere I am developing that will be performed in the spring. A group piece for Renegade Dance Architects (auditions next Friday!), a solo and a group piece for GI Alliance's spring show, and a duet for IDC's spring show. I'm in the final stages of music selection, some casting is yet to be done, and choreography is starting to form. I'm so excited because this is the first time in my adult life that I have the opportunity to choreograph pieces with very few limitations. It's a little scary, to be on my own, to be so vulnerable by exposing my identity as a choreographer.

Want a little teaser info about my pieces? I'll assume you squealed with excitement.

For Renegade: A collaboration with a group of dancers. Themes of isolation, loneliness, and finding your niche.

For the solo: Learning to accept yourself, and then inviting the world to accept you as you are.

For GIA group: "Being together without being together"

For IDC: Quirky, fun duet about breaking up.

I see such beautiful movement, so many pretty pictures shifting through my imagination. Can't wait to share!

Checking off my list, managing time, remembering to breathe

Dance Chicago ended yesterday. I was lucky to be featured in five performances throughout the festival, including opening and closing night. I'm glad to check this festival off my list. No more rushed, last minute reworks. No more cramming into an office calling itself a dressing room with 40 other dancers, all trying to dress, warm up and rehearse on top of each other.

Today is my first day off in a long time, and I feel like I am just barely catching my breath before starting the next race. Even on my day off, I have already spent a couple of hours on IDC touring and outreach work, cleaned some of my apartment, watched about 45 minutes of "Gods, Monsters and Heroes" and am about to make dinner before heading off to company class. I have forgotten how to relax.

I feel like everything is falling into place. Looks like my teaching schedule will possibly change in 2011 which will make me available for all of my currently scheduled rehearsals. New projects are going to be in the works soon.

My stresses and complaints are still the same from the past few weeks, but they are slowly becoming less stressful. I guess learning how to manage my schedule is how I relax.

Look for updates soon.

It's your job

So tired...that's how I've felt on nearly a daily basis for the last month. I don't want that much more free time, to be honest. I just want more sleep and more time to take classes.

Over the summer while I was at the Thodos intensive, one of our guest speakers told us "You should be in class everyday. It's your job." It really hit home, and I completely agree. I just cannot imagine how I could take classes more regularly. With work, teaching, rehearsing and performing all competing for my waking hours, I'm lucky to squeeze in one or two classes a week.

Luckily, I now have the opportunity to take a class for every class I teach at NorthSide Dance Theater. Since I am scheduled to teach 9 classes a week, it's not a problem using up those free classes. Unluckily, my classes aren't always filled, but I am thankful that whenever I have a class that goes empty, Jenn peeks her head into my studio and invites me to come take barre with her.

I feel like I'm in the best shape of my professional dance career, but I know I can be better. I watch professionals that I admire, and feel like I can do almost everything they can. I just need some polish. More class time.

Dance Chicago will be over in just over a week. I keep thinking that I will be able to sleep after that, but in actuality I won't. Setting pieces for Renegade Dance Architects and GI Alliance Dance Co., hopefully producing school shows with Innervation Dance Cooperative. I look forward to being busy, but I also would like to devote more time to myself, to improve and give myself more insurance for a prosperous and prolific career.

On my mind

I'm awake way past my bedtime. It's been happening a lot lately, mostly because my sleep schedule is completely out of wack and I have a lot on my mind.

Yesterday was opening night for Dance Chicago. I performed in a pre-show act with Renegade Dance Architects. We danced our piece "Forgiveness, Not Permission" on the sidewalk in front of Stage 773 (formerly the Theater Building) about 6 times as the audience walked into the venue. It was definitely our most challenging performance yet. In addition to repeating the dance over and over for half an hour, we had to navigate the rake of the driveway, huge cracks in the sidewalk, joggers, dog walkers, interested (and very uninterested) observers. But it was so much fun, as usual. Apparently Sid Smith, dance critic for the Sun-Times and SeeChicagoDance.com, was a bit impressed too. We'll perform the piece again on the stage soon as part of the festival.

I have such a busy month! A short glimpse: I'm in 3 other pieces for Dance Chicago (two that we featured in IDC's last concert, and one that a dance friend Christine Hands choreographed). This weekend, IDC is auditioning for America's Got Talent. NorthSide Dance Theater added two new classes to my schedule (Intermediate Tap on Tuesdays and an additional Intermediate Modern on Saturday mornings). I'm also going to be setting a new piece on the gorgeous and talented dancers in Renegade Dance Architects. Add in co-op meetings, Thurgood Marshall after school program (hopefully starting soon), additional school outreach, GI Alliance Dance Co. rehearsals and studio showing, and work...phew. Good thing I love it all so much.

Seriously, on an almost daily basis I am moved nearly to tears by how fortunate I have been this year. So many opportunities have been presented for myself and Ed, and we couldn't be happier. As much as I want a break just to breathe, I don't want to slow down.

I do, however, wish I could spend more time with the people I love. I just can't get enough time with my husband and my lovely, lovely friends from IDC. Even if I saw you at rehearsal today--I miss you all so much all of the time!

Hopefully, writing all this down will help me sleep now...

Closing

"Gods, Monsters, and Heroes" ended with a bang and a standing ovation. This entire show experience was truly something special, and it's more than bittersweet now that it's over.

Last night at our cast party, I completely broke down. I knew I would cry at some point, but the tears came sooner than expected. Nothing like sobbing in public! I didn't try too hard to contain myself as I looked around the room, at what an amazing group of people I have surrounded myself with for the last 6 months. Every single dancer in this company is important to me. IDC has shown me exactly what I have always dreamt of finding in a dance company: professionalism, talent, passion, camaraderie. The energy of the group as a whole is overwhelming.

I think I hugged and kissed and professed my love for more company members last night than I ever have. I am so happy that even in the last week that I grew closer to my fellow dancers, learned new things about each other, discovered details and nuances that makes each person unique. Everyone has a place in my heart.

In addition to the show closing, IDC was awarded a residency at Thurgood Marshall Middle School this week (to be more specific, we found out on opening night!). We will run a dance program and in exchange receive free rehearsal space and use of the auditorium for performances. At first, the news was so huge that I had a hard time comprehending what it meant for us as a company. Not only do we save thousands of dollars a year and are able to do more with our funds, but we are inspiring young people to follow their artistic passions. For me, and everyone at IDC, this is an absolute dream come true. Performing is my number one love in life (okay, a close second to my husband), but passing on this gift to others in the hope that they will at least appreciate art means a great deal to me.

Thurgood Marshall wants us to start this week with a lecture and demonstration (which means that--YAY--we get to perform some GMH pieces again!), and start teaching classes in a couple of weeks. So the members of IDC's artistic cooperative pulled me aside: "We wanted to wait until after the show was over, but since we need to get started on the school program we have to ask you now. We want you to be part of the co-op." I was shaking like a chihuahua. What exactly does that mean? More of a time commitment, being able to help make decisions about everything in the company, and as one co-op member said, "it becomes your company." I was more than flattered: I would be lying if I denied dreaming about this moment, but never really believed it would happen, at least not after my second show with the company.

I was super excited to accept the position, but it touched my heart even more to hear everyone else's response. All of the congratulations, all of the genuine excitement to have me on board...I couldn't be happier.

IDC has come a long way even since our last show--my husband and greatest critic whose opinion is paramount to me said that this was the "absolute best work" that he has ever seen me do. I simply cannot wait to see where we go next.

Thank you to everyone in the cast for being wonderful and brilliant. I love you all. Thank you to friends who have supported me during this process--it means more to me than you probably know. I'm pretty lucky to have all of this.

The first day of my life

That's how I feel today, or maybe how I'm trying to convince myself to feel.

Yesterday was my last day at Russian Pointe. I now longer have a desk job, a business professional's position, or anything holding me back from my goals. I'm just another starving artist.

Today marks a new beginning, a chance to completely devote myself to my art. This choice has got to propel me forward, so keep in touch for updates.

"Local Objects"

I went to see an amazing display of artistic expression this weekend, called "Local Objects". It was an exhibition of visual art (paintings, sculpture, installations) and then a performance.

I initially was not going to attend since I teach until 4:30 in Rogers Park, and the show space is near McKinley Park on the southwest side of town. Once I realized that I would be able to make it on time (thanks to the help from a friend's offer to drive), I felt slightly obligated to go. My long-time friend, Erin, who is my best friend in Chicago (other than my husband, of course), was performing in the show...and I hardly ever make it out to see her performances.
Plus--it was free!

We arrive at a series of old warehouses, tall and brick and empty and seemingly ominous in the blustery dusk. Entering through the rusty metal door, we passed by dilapidated rooms full of construction debris. Up four flights, we step into a cavernous, ballroom-sized space with huge white columns. Strategic lighting led up through the room to view the artwork. The sculptures were all created from found objects, items discovered in the warehouse itself. Some of the more thoughtful pieces were constructed from sporting equipment, religious icons, tools and electronics, put together beautifully and painted either in bright colors or all black. Two aisles of sculptures led us to the opposite end of the room, all made of found objects. I'll be honest--they weren't my favorite pieces. These sculptures seemed hastily constructed, without much thought (and you'll read why later).

Later in the evening, the performance started. Lights out.
Then the only light was on the artist, sitting on the ledge of the most massive and intricate sculpture in the space: a tractor-shaped melange of objects and wood, all confusion and chaos. Opera singers walked leisurely throughout the room, holding flashlights directed at the columns. The audience was dispersed throughout, and the singers would walk past, all singing different notes and different syllables to create a haunting and ethereal chorus. (Only later did I realize that the columns had sheet music posted on one side, and each singer was pointing their flashlight on the music in order to read what they were singing next.)
Lights out.
Lights up on a dining table, with six men seated on overturned buckets, all wearing bizarre, sculptural hats--a red and glittery Virgin Mary, a bridal-looking veil, sports helmets with exaggerated horns. Some were wearing microphones to amplify their "Mmmm"s and "Ahhh"s, sounding as if they were hungry and eager for a meal. Each time the men made a noise, the opera singers would add a higher-pitched, ascending "Ahhh." The artist and an assistant presented the diners with plates of green pasta--amplified slurping noises added another layer to the "hunger" sounds. Whenever a diner finished a plate of pasta, the artist took the empty plate to another part of the room and smashed it--adding even another dimension to the melody.
Lights out.
On the opposite side of the room, and massive metal barn door opened to reveal a brilliantly lit, beautiful woman seated on a fiery phoenix of a float. She wore a beaded red and gold ballgown and a tiara, and all around her were glittering red and gold feathery flames. She was pulled throughout the space in a parade fashion as she made regal gestures and lip-synced an aria. She dismounted her throne and started following the artist as he walked through the two aisles of sculptures (previous mentioned as "hastily constructed"). He paused in reflection before each piece, and then moved on to another. She, like a shadowy spirit, trailed behind him. Her movements focused on the placement of the arms, articulation of the back, how she was affected throughout her chest. She seemed to be his subconscious thought, saying with her body all of the thoughts that he would not allow himself to say out loud. Suddenly, a sculpture smashed to the ground. A few of the audience members gasped--what an unfortunate mistake! Then, the woman approached another sculpture, reared back, and pushed it forcefully to the ground. She approached each sculpture differently and took them all down, one by one. A man standing next to me said, "Now that's criticism."
Lights out.
Finis.

Unbelievable. Beautiful. I wouldn't have known how amazing this presentation was if I hadn't have been there in person.

(I later learned that the sculptures that Erin attacked were "fakes"--constructed in about 15 minutes from various objects found around the warehouse, made just to be broken.)

Attending this exhibition has reminded me to keep an open mind. I am so inspired by other forms of art and how other artists present their work. I hope that, some day, my work will inspire others in the same way.

The best is yet to come

That's what the fortune inside my cookie said: "Don't give up. The best is yet to come."

I couldn't have thought of a more appropriate fortune. Even though I definitely haven't been thinking of giving up, I can sense that something great is coming.

Classes started at NorthSide Dance Theater (http://www.northsidedt.com/), and I think it's been a really nice beginning. Considering that the only real marketing has been the booth at the Glenwood Arts Festival a few weeks ago, I think we are doing well. A few of our students are our friends and family, but we also have a few that are neighborhood locals and live down the street from the studio. I'm excited to spend more time promoting the studio so that everyone can see what a fantastic program and space we have.

Sadly, I just learned today that the majority of my youth classes have been cancelled for this session. A new session starts in November, so hopefully we will have more interest then. All I can ask is that if you or someone you know is interested in taking dance classes at any level, please come check us out. Even for one class.

I can't really explain how awesome it feels to be teaching again. Developing curriculum, planning classes, creating new combinations, seeing my students work so hard... I also appreciate that I am being involved in the creation of a new business and can see as everything falls in place. We have mirrors now! Soon--ballet barres! And the marley floor for the ballet studio will be put down soon!

In addition to the excitement of classes, Innervation Dance Cooperative's show "Gods, Monsters and Heroes" is only two short weeks away! We have been working so hard, so long...I can't wait to perform it. Everything has fallen into place, and even though I am still relatively new to IDC, I think it's going to be their best show yet. Tickets are on sale through Theater Wit, and the show runs Oct. 6-10. Hope to see you there.

I guess this post is mainly to reach out for support on these exciting projects, but also know--there is definitely more to come.

As usual, I don't have time for a full update. Just a little note.

Classes at Northside Dance Theater start tomorrow! I'm obviously excited. I spend most of my free time thinking about my classes. I have wanted to teach since I moved to Chicago, I just always envisioned teaching as part of my life here, and now it's finally happening. (If you didn't know--this is what I want to do with my life! So this new "job" is a pretty big deal to me.)
I'm teaching 12 classes: ballet and jazz for 6-8 years old and 8-11 years old, tap for 6-8 year olds, a couple of beginning modern classes for teens and adults, intermediate modern, beginning adult jazz and beginning adult tap. Come take class from me!

NSDT had its opening party on Friday, and we had a pretty large group celebrating with us. What made the party even better was that construction was done earlier that day to put up the dividing walls between the lobby and the small studio, plus a doorway between the two studios.

The space is gorgeous. Of course, it is empty right now, but the studios are large with nice wood floors (the large ballet studio will have a marley floor), huge front windows (which will be covered), water fountains, two bathrooms, two dressing room areas...it's wonderful.

Other than the new studio, I'm working on a couple of shows still. IDC is in the final stretch of rehearsals for October's "Gods, Monsters and Heroes." Only one more month before the show at Theater Wit! We have a run through in about a week, and I think everything is almost finished. We've been working on the show for over 6 months now, so it's exciting to see it all come together. Per IDC's usual, a little something for everyone: modern, jazz, waltz (!), tap, and great music.

Rehearsals start again with Dmitri Peskov after about a month off. More details as soon as I have them, but he mentioned that the show will be in June.

I'm positive that I will have a lot of news in about a week!

Keep on rollin

Last week we had our last performance of the "season" for Renegade Dance Architects. We met at the Bean, warmed up, and then walked to State Street to hopefully perform in front of the Chicago Theatre, or the news room across the street. Our plans were shattered by the presence of the stationary police officer...and as a group we decided that it was a little too risky to perform right in front of him. So we moved down to about State and Washington, right by a bus stop, and just started dancing in the middle of everyone's commute.
People would step off the bus, a dozen at a time, just as we were about to grande jete in their direction. We weaved in and out of the crowd, and yet no one seemed to bat an eyelash. The general public is quite skilled at ignoring what makes them uncomfortable. I think it's become a challenge for us at Renegade: how far we can push to get people to snap out of their day-to-day trance? One of the dancers spent part of the piece leaning against the bus shelter, most of us followed pedestrians on their heels or cut in front of a businessman for a little glissade pas de chat. The only person that I recall actually paying attention to us was the security guard that peeked out of the door just as we finished dancing. "Good morning!" Ginger (Jensen, artistic director) chirped. "Have a great day!" as we snatched our belongings off the sidewalk and briskly walked down the street into the crowd.
It was a perfect period at the end of the RDA sentence. Except that now that period should be replaced with an exclamation point--our piece, "Forgiveness, Not Permission" was just accepted into Dance Chicago's New Moves program!

More exciting news, I get to see the studios of Northside Dance Theater today. We have a booth at the Glenwood Avenue Arts Festival, plus GI Alliance will be performing and the studio will be open for viewing. Anyone who signs up for classes today will received an exclusive NSDT t-shirt! I'm so excited to start teaching (and for those friends who have asked--I will be teaching an Int. Modern class!), and it's only a couple weeks until classes start.

One last update: Myself and about 8 of my friends were selected to choreograph short dances for Gatorade's So You Think You Can Dance-inspired marketing event. If you didn't already know, SYTYCD and Gatorade have partnered up, and now Gatorade is recognizing dance as a sport. Gatorade is based out of Chicago, and on Tuesday the marketing employees are competing in teams just like SYTYCD. They pull a genre out of a hat, and we have about 3 hours to teach a dance. I have ballet--so tough! It's going to be a truly awesome experience.

I'll tell you all about it later.

Filling in the blank spaces on my calendar

I can't believe it's already the middle of August. So much has happened over the last two weeks and I'm terribly exhausted, but I'll at least give you the quick recap with the hopes of going into more detail later.

First: the Renegade Dance Architects show "EXTRAordinary" was last weekend. We were at Voice of the City, which is an arts education/gallery space in Logan Square. The show ended up being such a wonderful experience and a really great (but short) show. Of course we performed the RDA piece "Forgiveness, not Permission," but there were also a few pieces from IDC to preview our upcoming show "Gods, Monsters and Heroes" (including a duet that I choreographed and danced), a piece from GI Alliance Dance Co. that I also performed, AND a few solos. Including one choroegraphed by and starring (duh) yours truly, entitled "In the Right Direction."
Don't be surprised if you see this solo or some incarnation of this solo again in the future, because I was really enjoying working on it.
Ginger, RDA's artistic director, asked me if I would perform a solo on Thursday at 5:30...our show opened Friday at 7! Luckily, I had thought of this general concept and some of the movement for an audition, but never had the chance to show the piece. But, honestly, over half of the dance was created Thursday before opening night. It was such a relief after performing the solo on Thursday and actually receiving positive feedback! Truly, there is no greater compliment than those from complete strangers.
"EXTRAordinary" closed on Sunday afternoon.

Then, Monday through Saturday I attended the Thodos Dance Chicago summer intensive. This program was by far the best summer intensive or workshop that I have experienced. The range of repertoire that we learned and the classes that we received was so well-rounded and diverse that I couldn't have asked for better. We started with an hour and a half of ballet every morning at 9:30, then an hour and a half of modern, then lunch with a guest speaker (all of whom were fantastically inspiring), then almost two hours of repertoire, followed by over an hour of composition and improvisation, and the day ended with different areas of "body wellness" such as Pilates, nutrition, partner massage...The entire week culminated with a showing of the rep that we learned and the material that we developed in comp/improv. Pretty full house too--I'd say there were about 30 friends and family in the studio.
I think of Thodos Dance Chicago as the "ultimate" right now. All of the dancers are expected to perform, choreograph and teach--all things that I am also passionate about. The repertoire is diverse, the dancers are excellent technicians and movers, and everyone is vibrant and enthusiastic. I can't wait until they have open company class again.

After the showing ended at 5, some dance buddies and I caravanned to the suburbs to perform in a wedding. My friend Mandy knew the bride from college, and she and her now-husband wanted to surprise their wedding guests with a choreographed "impromptu" dance battle during their first dance. It wasn't really impromptu, we rehearsed it, but the impression was that a group of party guests ripped the bride and groom apart during their slow dance and challenge each other to a dance face-off! Everyone was genuinely surprised, which was an excellent perk. Besides getting paid for this fun appearance, we also got to stay for the reception. Um, yum. It was an Indian wedding and the food was pretty amazing. Great music, beautiful decor, fun company, free booze...pretty much the best compensation for a dance gig ever.

And then today I started my last piece for IDC's show, and I'm crazy excited about it. Come on over to Theater Wit in October and see what it's all about. Don't worry. I'll give you all the details.

Oh yeah--and I guess I can announce now that I am going to be teaching starting in September at the brand new Northside Dance Theatre! We are going to have a booth at the Glenwood Avenue Arts Festival next weekend, so everyone should stop by and check it out. We're at the Morse red line stop in Rogers Park. And, I'll be performing with GI Alliance, so even more reason to visit. Oh boy!

Thanks for checking in. There's plenty more to come.

Wait--what are they doing?

Yesterday was the world premier for Renegade Dance Architects--a new company that my friend Ginger Jensen formed in the process of working on the piece that we performed, "Forgiveness, Not Permission." Ginger would probably say this better, but the company's mission is to bring dance back to the people. This piece literally eliminates the "fourth wall." We make direct eye contact with the audience, we are humans and dancers in our movement styles, we even have direct physical contact with the audience--when it's performed "Renegade"-style.

Yep--we performed in public spaces, with plenty of passersby (come see our show next week to understand that pun!).

Friday morning, 8 am. We met at the Bean/Cloud Gate in Millennium Park. Directly under the Bean, we did some plies and stretches with our reflections at every angle. On a grassy patch between the Bean and the Pritzker Pavilion, we held our first performance. Apparently, no one really goes to Millennium Park on a Friday morning! The security guards/park rangers and a few tourists who did not want to waste the day got a pretty good show.

With our entourage of 4 people following us, we walked a few blocks to Daley Plaza and set up in front of the Picasso. This location worked so magically for the piece.

I don't want to give away too many details--except that you can watch the dance on Facebook!--but we start as pedestrians. Just simple walking, all in different styles, in different paths. Other real pedestrians, on their way to work, had no idea that they were in the middle of a dance performance. Until we started moving our arms, torsos, pointing our toes, breaking into a grand jete...The sounds of the city were all around us, people sitting on benches were speechless, business types were very confused. It was impossible NOT to connect with our audience: they were a part of the dance.

This experience was a wonderful source of inspiration as a dancer and a choreographer. I'm reminded that we are not only dancing for ourselves, we are even more so dancing for an audience. For people. I have been discussing the lack of support for dance, how arts patrons would rather go to a play or a musical or even an art gallery. Audiences like what they can relate to. I'm starting to notice that most people just don't "get" dance. They either don't relate to moving your body as artistic expression, or they can't see what the choreographer was trying to express, or they just get tired of seeing the same thing over and over.

Sometimes you just have to shake things up a bit to get them to pay attention.
I think our public performance made people open their eyes. And hopefully they talked about it all day.

Sometimes you really do get what you wish for

I'm dancing constantly now, it's a part of my daily life. It consumes my thoughts, my energy. I'm always looking at what's next, where can I go next, what can I do next, who can I work with next.

I have to stop myself all the time and really appreciate what I have right now. It's pretty amazing: I am currently a member of two dance companies and working on material outside of that with two other choreographers. I have performed in more individual events and concerts this year so far than I ever have in my life.

It's still not always enough, I don't feel like I'm doing enough. I think it must be all of that early ballet training that has instilled in me a drive to push myself further, that you are never quite good enough, that you have to keep training and learning and improving. Not such a bad urge, I suppose.

I wanted to really kick drive, fast-track my training this summer my attending two intensives--with the Seldoms and Thodos Dance Chicago. I planned on taking off of work for two weeks, and just dancing as much as my body can handle. In the last few weeks, I kept reminding myself that I needed to send in my registration for the Seldoms intensive, but I put it off over and over. Finally, I made a truly adult decision: not to do it. The program isn't expensive (comparatively speaking), but taking a week off of work would make it cost three times the amount--something I really can't afford right now. I am still a bit heartbroken that I won't be training with such a cool company, but I'll make the most of my time. Don't be sad for me!

In other news, we started working with our guest choreographer for IDC's show...all I can say is that the piece is pretty amazing. You won't want to miss the concert, at least for this section alone!

Short update, but hopefully it'll tide you over for a bit. Keep checking back for the latest.

No fear. Just do it. And other slogans.

You have to stop thinking and just do it.
That's been a very useful phrase to me this week. Both in class and rehearsal--sometimes you just need to get out of your head. Any fear, just let it go. No hesitations. No excuses. I can't say that I follow this advice 100% of the time, but I'm working on it. I become a little more free all the time.

In circus class this week, we worked for half the class on more advanced tumbling (handsprings!) and half the class on a circuit of all the aerial apparatuses. I have some acrobatic ability, including what I thought was a front handspring, so I generally have no reason to freak out before doing a trick. I'm not scared! Usually. Once our teacher took out the foam ramp and the crash pad...I actually got nervous! Part of me wonders if I was dramatically commiserating with some of my other classmates, but I must have even fooled myself with the act.

We were to run to the ramp, hurdle (or "skip" for some of you) into a handstand, and then push off our hands to fall flat on our backs onto the crash pad. When my turn came, I had a little false start...then just went for it. Not perfect, but not bad. Turns out--I have always been doing handsprings incorrectly. For over half of my life! At any rate, I quickly applied corrections and am on my way to a really nice handspring.

During the aerial circuit, we were to do a routine on a silk knot that included the option for a drop. Basically, you get all tied up in a very complicated way and fall. It's a trick for people with more than, oh, the 30 minutes of experience that I have. So here I am, trying all the new positions that our teacher threw as us, and have some pretty good luck with a cool "look Mom, no hands! And I'm sideways!" move, and I expected to just unravel and hop on down to the plush sprung floor. I follow all of my teachers directions as he walks me through where to put my legs and arms. Then I realize, I'm all set up--legs in a straddle, completely and tightly wrapped on all sides by strong silk--with no way out but to fall. Teacher says "Okay, drop!" Yeah, right! But, I followed my rules from cliff-jumping. Don't think about it, just GO. Okay, my teacher said it too. And I did! And it was awesome! Nothing hurt at all, it was a pretty perfect first drop.

I can't wait to try it again.

A perfect day

It's July and it's hot.
The beautiful weather is plenty excuse not to go to the studio or gym, just stay in the A/C or keep playing with the dog in the park. I hope I don't succumb to those urges too frequently, because I definitely have in the past couple of weeks.

Today is inspiring me to continue on, to keep improving myself, to try new things.

I had the option to go to work today, get a few hours in and maybe earn about $30. Instead, I chose to sleep in. I have a very busy month ahead of me, and soon I won't even have the option of sleeping in. I woke up at a decent hour, made my coffee (even though Ed makes is best, I am learning to enjoy the coffee that I make myself), and sat at my computer to write.

I've always used writing or storytelling in my creation process, so it's not very different to be doing it now for a new choreography project. For those of you who don't know already, I was asked to write a little something for a project that I am working on. Not sure if the writing will end up on stage or not, but I am really enjoying it.

Writing for performance is so special. You have to consider your audience. You have to consider how self-indulgent you are or are not. You also have to consider stage directions, facial expressions, tone of voice. It makes me want to act. Just a little bit.

After writing a draft of...something, I went to ballet class at Lou Conte's. It was Intermediate/Advanced, and I normally take Intermediate. I have known for a while that Int. ballet was comfortable for me, that the teacher liked me, and that I wasn't necessarily making myself work harder, just hard. It was a nice challenge, and I didn't feel like I stuck out in a bad way.

Now, all I have to do is go to rehearsal tonight for IDC.
I might go to the gym, I might do chores. But I don't have to.

I want every day to be like this--my focus on class, rehearsal, creation.
I love it. The sweat clinging to my skin, muscles aching, being the music.
And then doing it all over again.

Changes and Challenges

I started a few new things last week, and I'm looking forward to how they'll go this week too.

First, Circus Arts at the Actors Gym. It's a seven week introductory course to all things circus: last week we learned the basics of unicycling and Spanish web (that's the big rope with a hand loop). We also worked on basic tumbling, so it was nice to work on my handstands. I can't wait to see everything else that we learn. I already think that I want to sign up for aerial arts in the fall. I've wanted to learn silks since I was 14!

This class just makes me feel awesome. I don't know any of the other students, and the subject matter is definitely out of my comfort zone. I'm also surprised at how weak it made me feel, so hopefully I'll gain more upper body strength. It's a challenge all around.

Another new experience: working with a new choreographer on new work. We met at 6 am on Thursday to start drafting a new piece...and before then we had barely even had a conversation.

I woke up at 4:30, prepared for the day (breakfast, making lunch, walking the dog) and was on the red line at 5:15. At six, we entered the rehearsal space, quiet and empty. After warming up individually for half an hour, he started teaching me some phrases. After that, he had me improvise to 3 contrasting pieces of music--for about 15 or 20 minutes straight! Then we worked on some partner work (note to self: when lifting a 175 lb man, do not use your back!), and solo character work.

I thought I would have been more self-conscious, especially during the improv. Here I was, coming into an empty room with someone that I barely know and basically exposing myself and my emotions. In retrospect, I could have let loose a bit more in my improv, but considering the circumstances I think I did well. Well enough that he wants to see me again this week!

Not sure when that show will be, but I know I am going to really enjoy the process of working with someone who is creating work on ME. He really works with the dancer's strengths, but is still pushing me to move in new ways too. I also like the idea of waking up before most of the city and being productive. It's very soothing to be in a big empty space with wood floors to roll on, white walls just begging for creation.

It's a good thing that I am going to be changing my work schedule soon. After that 6 am rehearsal, I went of to my office job until 5, and then had rehearsal again from 8:30-10:30. I love it, but I was so exhausted after that.

I'm looking forward to a lot of changes and challenges for the rest of the year.

A new door opens

So much is happening right now, it's hard to keep up with myself.

First, an update on the Crash audition:
I'll cut to the chase--I didn't get the job (they weren't necessarily hiring, but were looking for apprentices, possible company members, and guest artists). BUT, I did make it past the cut and to the end of the audition! I think this shows that I have been improving, that in my last few auditions I didn't get cut after the first round.
Regardless of being cut, the audition was a lot of fun. We started with a jazz combination that involved a little bit of dance-acro. Then, they had a "bonus round" and asked us to all walk across the room on our hands, or at least try. I took two steps! Last, we learned a hip hop combination. I was actually pretty proud of myself, even though I probably looked ridiculous, because I have NEVER studied hip hop. EVER. So I plan on taking some classes sometime soon.
I also keep forgetting that some talent agents from Lily's Talent were there, so if they were interested in me, I guess they'll call...not getting my hopes us for that.

I'm at work so I will have to end this post here, but I promise to update about my circus class and new project very soon.

Moving forward

Yesterday we closed the Matter Dance show, "Step into the Ring." I had a blast with this project. I met so many cool, new people that I hope to see again for class, upcoming projects, or just hanging out. The cast was HUGE!

I think the best part about this show for me was that it pushed me to perform works outside of my comfort zone. I tend to dance in a very melting, curvy, organic fashion. For "Ring," I danced musical theatre-style tap and jazz numbers, donned my heels for a Russian character dance, and was in a piece by Chicago Dance Crash members that had me cartwheeling, handstanding, and doing my best impression of hip hop. That's a far cry from my normal modern dance!

I normally feel a sense of loss after a show closes. Post-partum. I never know if I'm going to see these great people again, I'm probably never going to perform these pieces again, and also--what do I do with my days now that I'm not rehearsing for this show anymore?

Well, I solved at least the "what do I do with my time" part. I'm going forward, no break.

Today, I am auditioning for Chicago Dance Crash. They're looking for company members and guest artists, so we'll see what happens.
Tomorrow: We start a new piece for IDC's show.
Wednesday: I start my "Circus Arts" class at the Actors Gym.
Thursday: I'm meeting a choreographer to "play." Basically, get to know each other through movement. At 6 am!
And of course, classes and other IDC rehearsals on top of all that.

As one of my co-workers said, I don't like to see blank spaces on my calendar. Especially since my husband is gone for the next 7 weeks (he's in a Shakespeare festival in Michigan), I am keeping myself very occupied. I can't miss him too much if I'm never home! Honestly, even when he was here, we were both so busy that we only saw each other for a couple hours a day. So far, it's not so different. Except that I sleep alone.

And...we're off!

GI Alliance on Tour!

The tour to Livonia. I was counting down the days for the trip, not sure if I was so excited about another performance opportunity or just a chance to get out of town. Definitely performing...plus, getting to spend about 12 hours being very close with my fellow dancers.

We left on Thursday. I work from 9-2 at the office, then commute for 45 minutes to Visceral Dance studio on the west side of town for rehearsal with members of Dance Crash for the Matter show. Left rehearsal less than half-way through, after an hour and a half. Commute for an hour to GI Alliance director's house to load into the tour van--shiny white and new with foam covers on the seat belts. However, before leaving, a handful of us held a last minute rehearsal for emergency changes to one piece (we were informed that morning that one dancer would not be joining us). Just after 6, all 11 of us are in our seats and ready to go. We all knew it would be about a six-hour trip, but I think we expected to be in bed by midnight.

Michigan is in Eastern time. When I hit the pillow, the clock read 1:45.

I was definitely selfish, the first one to pick out a bed and plop down, ready to sleep. Not everyone got a bed right away. Judging by the two Greyhound buses full of pubescent hockey players that showed up when we did, we weren't even sure if the hotel had any open rooms. Luckily our host company, locals Allure Dance Company, was very generous and provided another room. No one had to sleep on the floor. I thought that was pretty fancy for my first tour.

For some reason, the 3 ladies in my room decided to entrust me and my little phone to set an alarm for the entire room. 6:45 am came and went, and we awoke to our director knocking on the door at 7:15. We were due in the van to go to tech at 7:30. Apparently, I set the alarm for PM. Obviously, no showers were had, breakfast ended up at the bottom of my dance bag (apple, English muffin), and coffee was consumed en route.

8:00: Tech rehearsal scheduled to start. We arrive at the high school, and students were still laying the floor. During the course of the day, we learned that the high school students held an important role that day. Or making that day run off-schedule. Not sure which.

It felt awesome to stand on a stage in an auditorium that holds about 300 people, with real light equipment, real wings (what a luxury!!)...I realized that I haven't performed on a real stage in 5 years. Not since No Small Parts was on the main stage at UF. After all of my pieces teched, I sat in the empty auditorium with the rest of the company, listing to our director call light cues. So much goes into making the performance, not just the dancers and the choreography. I really started to appreciate the 15 year old boys and girls that were working backstage (one whose job was to apparently to hold onto a set of ropes for the entire show as if to prevent them from flying away).

After tech, Allure arrived for their tech. For GIA: lunch and showers.

We came back to the theatre at our scheduled time to start a 3:00 dress run. Allure was still in tech...until about 4. No harm, I may have even appreciated the extra warm-up time. Dress rehearsal was over by 6, then we ran to get a quick dinner before company warm-up at 7. We were still on degages when the house manager shooed us off stage, but Bill (Allure's co-director)did a great job and I amazingly felt ready for performance.

Waiting in the wings, dancing goof-ball moves with my friends before morphing into a balletic swan, seeing my friend who could barely walk during rehearsal due to injury give a champ's performance on stage, feeling so much energy and emotion pouring out of my fingers, my gut, my eyes... truly an awesome experience.

I love to perform. It doesn't matter how many mishaps during rehearsal, how little sleep we got, how imperfect the stage, or that the audience was only 50 people in such a large auditorium. Those 50 people saw a great performance, we gave them everything that we had.

I missed my husband, my dog and my cat, and I was told I tried to snuggle with my bedmate...but it's so worth it.
This is what I do. And this is why I do it.

If you are a loyal reader, first tell me who you are, and second...I apologize for not keeping you up-to-date.

It's been a very busy month. GI Alliance had two weekends of performances, plus an appearance in Rebound Dance Festival last week. Now, we are going on tour to Michigan! We're leaving today to drive to Livonia, on the outskirts of Detroit, to perform with Allure Dance Company. We'll probably get in at around 1 am...and then we have tech at 8! It'll be a long couple of days, but it's completely worth it.

I can't wait--this is my first "real" tour. We've even rented a van! The only down side is that we are coming right back to Chicago on Saturday.

Sunday I have rehearsal all day, from 10 to 7, for Matter Dance and IDC.

Matter's show, "Step into the Ring" is only a couple weeks away. I'm looking forward to seeing the show in rehearsal, if I have a chance. Since it's one, continuous evening-length show (all the pieces are linked together in some fashion) and one of my characters reappears 3 times...I may not have a moment to watch. So you, friend, will have to tell me how it is.

I have much more to talk about, but I'll save that for next time.

A few new things.

I have rehearsal on Monday for a piece that I am co-choreographing for IDC's show. I haven't worked with someone else to create movement since...oh, probably in middle school at slumber parties. Coming into this process, I wasn't sure what to expect. Would we have completely different ideas about the storyline or the movement quality? Would there be a power struggle? Would this ruin our friendship?

I almost can't believe how well we worked together. It got to the point where I can't tell whose idea was whose. We completely accepted each other's ideas. After meeting for 5 hours, we produced 3 minutes of material. I'd say that's pretty good. Now, to see it on bodies...


The GI Alliance show opens today, and I'm pretty excited. I started thinking about the shows that I've done or am currently working on, and they are all so different from each other. Very different styles, approaches, missions, and processes. GI Alliance is just that--an alliance of dancers. I think it is so unique that all of the performers work with other companies, come from all kinds of dance backgrounds, all different ages. It is probably true that anyone in the Chicago dance scene knows someone in this group.

I'm glad to be a part of this group and this production: it's dance. Pure dance. There is a loose storyline to the show, but for the most part we are presenting work that is fun to do and (hopefully) fun to watch. Come see and decide for yourself!

Self-promotion aplenty!

Lately, I reference my day planner multiple times a day. I have many things going on at once, so difficult to keep straight...and no sign of letting up soon. All that I can think about is everything that is coming up on the calendar. Here is the immediate news.

The GI Alliance Dance Company show "Gut Instinct" opens this weekend, and marks the first time that I will perform works from the same concert over the course of a full month. Performing a concert for more than a one-weekend engagement is new and exciting for me as a dancer, a pretty rare opportunity. Unfortunately, dance is very underfunded, and most companies could potentially LOSE money by offering a second weekend of shows. That being said--come see our show! Dancers and choreographers work hard and long to put together a show, and shows need audiences.
("Gut Instinct" will be at the Galaxie on Belmont and Rockwell, May 8, 9, 15, and 16 at 7:30. Tickets $20.)
I'll also perform one of the pieces in Rebound Dance Festival on May 27, and then we take half of the concert on tour to Detroit in June!

If you didn't already know, my husband is an actor. He has been working with Absolute Shakespeare and just opened a show last night with Red Tape Theatre. I was lucky enough to see a preview of Red Tape's show "The Love of the Nightingale." I highly recommend this show to anyone who enjoys performance that incorporates dance and physicality. Just a beautiful, well done show.


Stay tuned. I promise I'll write a more thoughtful entry next time.

Reflection on Rejection

So, you may remember that I had two auditions last week that I was pretty excited about. I'll keep this brief because there is really no need to elaborate--I was cut from both auditions a bit sooner than I had anticipated. At first I just didn't understand. I didn't really expect to become a company member with either group, but I was hoping to walk away with a work-study or apprenticeship. Nope. Nothing.

I felt bad about myself for about half a day, but I am surprising myself with my resilience. I'm ready to get back to work, get into more classes and completely devote myself. For the last couple of months I have been dancing almost every day, about 15 or 20 hours a week, and I know that I have to keep that up and see where it takes me.

I keep reminding myself of how awesome this year has been to me so far, and it looks like by the end of the year I will have performed in at least 5 concerts with 5 different groups and will have my choreography on stage!

Not too bad.

Validation

I work with a fellow dancer, a lovely young man who has had the pleasure of performing professionally (even if not consistently). I wanted to share some of our conversation because I found it to be insightful and inspiring.

We welcomed each other with big hugs this morning, much needed gestures of support, and then I reminded him that I would see him in company class this Friday--I'm auditioning for the company with whom he has been a guest artist. He seemed like he was happy to hear that, and told me that one of my favorite ballet teachers would be giving us class, which I took to be a huge plus for me. He confessed that he heard that I was considering not even going to the audition because I wasn't sure if I would want to work with this company (a little back story: I actually love the work that they produce and fully support the concept, but I had a confidence-shattering audition with them a year ago and it left a mark). Of course, I responded that I changed my mind because I am not in a place to be picky about the work that I do, that I just need to try everything. He agreed, and also told me this:
"After every audition, no matter how it went, you set the bar a little higher for yourself. It gives you something to reach for."

It doesn't matter if you are cut in the first round, the last round, or if you make it to the end of an audition. Auditioning gives you a chance to see what else is out there, shake your grounding, and keep you growing.



In a separate conversation with the same friend, my eyes teared up as I told him how I thought that my dancer friends sometimes discredit the work that I've been doing for the last year. (This may or may not be based on truth, it could just be paranoia.) I have worked harder than I have in years and tried so many new things and met so many lovely people...it's hard to have others (unknowingly, and not directly) tell you that it doesn't really count as professional work. He soothed me with this:
"It shouldn't matter if what you are working on is not as well-known. For all we know, [those groups] could become huge in the future. What matters most is that you are contributing to the dance community."

I'm always thankful for supportive friends, the awesome opportunities that I've been given, and I am fully invested in the work I am producing as a dancer.

Sometimes you just need a little validation.

Looking ahead and Expression vs. Technique

Many exciting events coming up for me and my little dance world: two auditions next week, one the week after that, learning new dances, creating new dances, show opening in a few weeks...

I've been searching for new opportunities. The Chicago dance community is so rich with companies, projects and festivals--and I want to experience it all. I'm looking forward and realizing that I may be extremely busy at the moment while I'm rehearsing with 3 companies at once, but in 2 months I'll be working on just one show.

I had a conversation with a teacher last week to help guide me into other dance opportunities. I did learn about some new places to take classes and learned some new names, but I took a couple of other things with me--encouragement and a couple compliments. I know that I'm not the best technical dancer ever, so it was nice to hear from someone else that my strength as a dancer is how I express myself.

I'm going to try to use that expression to my advantage in upcoming auditions. I may not impress you at ballet barre, but I will certainly pour myself into the character that you want.

Last night, a few friends and I went to a benefit for a new company (my best friend is one of the founding dancers). Listening to the founder/choreographer/artistic director was truly inspiring. He has a refreshing views on dance and dance creation, in particular that he makes dances with his particular dancers in mind, that their personalities and movement qualities make the dance. I also loved when he said, "I have many technical faults as a dancer, when you see me in class you might think I am an amateur." It was uplifting for me to see that you don't have to be the best dancer in the room to create work that others will support and appreciate. Looking forward to Dmitri's show.

Working hard, or hardly working?

Last week, a friend of mine interrogated me, in a very conversational way, on my career goals. What do I see myself doing in 5 years? What is it that I wish I was doing right now? What do I need to do to reach those goals? All these questions ended the way they started: Why am I selling myself short?

I've always known that this is what would involve pursuing a dance career: more rejection than praise, criticism (years of ballet should have prepared me for that), working harder every day than you did the day before. Self-doubt and self-pity shouldn't be in that mix.

One of my close friends seems to have been so lucky, blessed, fortunate--however you look at it--since she started auditioning for professional work. I hate that I am jealous, and even more I hate that it makes me wonder what exactly is wrong with me. But even through my jealousy, I can see why she has earned so much praise and validation: she puts in the work. Dance comes first, there aren't any excuses.

It's something that I (and we as dancers) have to constantly remember--you have to work for this. Dancing is not like riding a bicycle, you can't hop on and off and expect the same result.

So I've come back to the first lesson that dance teaches you: discipline. I think it's the hardest thing to retain once you become an independent adult. You have choices, and you don't always want to do what is best for you.

Anticipating Summer (Intensives)

Summer is almost here, at least today's weather of 75 degrees and sunny is trying to trick me that warmer weather is coming. In the last couple of years summer has meant workshops and intensives. I'm getting a little bit nervous as I try to plan what programs to sign up for, and more importantly how I'm going to pay for them.

Last year I went to two summer workshops: Cerqua Rivera's intensive and a few days of River North's summer workshop (I couldn't afford the full 5 days). I had a really great experience with both and learned a lot--especially what I should be doing in order to take care of my body.
After the River North workshop I couldn't walk. I thought I was just sore from working so hard, but then the pain didn't go away and I realized that it wasn't a muscular pain...most likely I tore some cartilage around my knee (*unfortunately, my "insurance" doesn't cover X-rays, MRIs, or physical therapy...so I don't know for sure).
I was devastated. In part, it was like a rite of passage, my first dance injury. But I couldn't dance for 8 weeks. I could barely move. I worried about putting on weight (for about 3 weeks all I did was lay on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on my knee). I also knew that this type of injury doesn't repair itself, it just hurts less with time. I ended up being out of class for 3 months, and just barely felt normal enough to dance in IDC's concert in November.
I've recently started to go to class more regularly to test my limits, 3 or 4 classes per week on top of about 6-10 hours of rehearsal and 3 hours/week of cross training. I was afraid of this...my knees hurt. Not terribly, but enough that I can't always cross my legs because it causes to much pressure, or I can't bend my legs past a 90 degree angle when I sit on the bus, or that I have to wear my running shoes much more often because I need the support.
It's scary, something that I am constantly aware of.
And now...summer intensives. Will I be able to handle the amount of dancing? Will I hurt myself again? I'm planning to train consistently for the next month or two to see how I'm feeling before I officially commit to any intensives.
You only get one body, right?

I've been spending my "free time" lately on anything and everything dance.

Last week I went with my husband and a friend to see Hubbard Street's spring series. Four amazing dances, all joined together by a theme of gliding, whether because the dancers were wearing socks or because they were suspended from harnesses and literally flying and swinging through space. Jiri Kylian's piece 27'52" was unbelievable. It's so amazing to watch the dancers completely transform, and to see gestures and movements and ideas that you haven't seen before.
Watching this company is always inspirational--they are one of the first reasons I wanted to come to Chicago. Hubbard Street was my first exposure to Chicago as an arena for concert dance.
As I researched more into what the city had to offer, I discovered Chicago Tap Theatre. At the time, while I was living in Florida, I had just happened upon an adjunct tap instructor position at FloArts, or St. Johns River Community College's fine arts department. I hadn't really tapped in four or five years because tap wasn't offered at my college. I became completely invested in tap dance and consumed as much history, terminology, obscure references, and movies featuring tap as I could. For my piece in that semester's show, I created an a capella tap story. So if you are familiar with CTT, then you would understand why this company was such an important discovery for me. They are constantly finding new ways to present tap dance, and it usually means through story telling.
When I talk to people about tap, and they are not a fan, it seems to be based on a belief that tap is not dance, that it's not art. "It's just noise!"--I have a co-worker who reminds me that from time to time. CTT shows that tap is more than just the metal on the bottom of their shoes. They create complicated rhythms to complement music, or even to create music. Not all of their tapping is heavy hoofing: they show that tap can also be graceful and soft. The dancers use their entire bodies to create and develop characters.
My first Chicago Tap Theatre show was last year's "Little Dead Riding Hood." I've seen other CTT shows since then, but none have topped the fantastic journey of Little Dead. Brilliant tapping, excellent costumes, sets, and music. The spectacle was not all that made it spectacular--the show was also somewhat interactive! At intermission, the audience voted on who they thought killed Little Dead. My husband got it right--we won tickets to see their next show, and were hooked.
Last night, we went to see their latest, "Love Taps." A sweet idea, but the storyline was a bit complex. Basically, the we meet the entire cast of characters who represent all walks of life--office workers, bartenders, a fashion designer, a doorman...who are all single and looking for love. After the "introduction" in act one, the audience got to vote on different pairings during intermission to be acted out in act two. Truly interactive--plus, imagine all the different duets they had to prepare. Act two was definitely the high point of the show, possibly because the audience voted for the most entertaining characters. All in all, it may not have been my favorite CTT show ever, but I thoroughly enjoyed the concept, some awesome dancing, and fresh new faces in the group.

I have to wrap my post here--off to my first rehearsal with Matter Dance Company tonight.

Until later.

Hi, my name is...

Stephanie, and I am a dancer.

I've searched for a dance blog that chronicles a dancer's daily life--going to class, preparing for auditions, facing rejection, seeing inspiring performances, working on projects...So here I am, with plans to write about those things.

If I were you, I would want to know a bit about the author.

My entire life revolves around dance.

I moved to Chicago a year and a half ago to pursue a performance career after the inevitable crash and burn of trying to "make it" in New York. Now, I work for a dance manufacturer most days of the week and am currently dancing with three companies. Seems like a lot, I know, but it's actually very manageable.

I seem to have found my place in the Chicago "fringe" dance scene, working with pick-up companies, meaning that they work with dancers on a project or seasonal basis. The world of small modern dance companies here is lovely: everyone is eager to work creatively, accepting of many different types of dancers, and just wonderful people in general.

I worked with Innervation Dance Cooperative (IDC) and Matter of Reaction Movement Project (MRMP) last year, and now GI Alliance Dance Co. (GIA) and Matter Dance Company (MDC). After working with IDC for one season, they asked me to be a company member. I accepted, and am now working on choreography for our fall show in addition to performing.

I have big dreams which I hope to achieve: working together with my actor husband on choreography, producing concerts with friends, teaching dance (hopefully on the college level), and writing about my experiences.

Follow along. I hope you'll have fun.